Here we are. In the final chapter of the Tribute volume by Nijay Gupta, Tara Beth Leach, Matt Bates and Drew Strait, Living the Gospel of King Jesus: Discipleship and Ministry Then and Now.

By Becky Castle Miller. On church abuses of all kinds. She makes a statement worthy of your attention: it is about discipleship. People who abuse do not follow Jesus. In fact, Becky once told Kris and I over lunch this year some numbers she had researched and one of them was that up to a quarter of your congregation had experienced some kind of abuse .

Jesus cared for the marginalized, abused and injured. He had a radar for the suffering people. Jesus was anti-authoritarian, she observes. He blessed the poor and the peacemakers. He has no power or power over others.

It is therefore totally against Jesus to hurt the wounded by telling them that they suffer like or for Jesus. Or that forgive abusers so they can continue to abuse them. Or that they can do wonders by staying with them and suffering in silence.

Becky said something that struck me. There is “contempt for the victims” among some, as if by listening to them or giving them a choice, we lost power, authority and control. Aspiring to control is the opposite of becoming a disciple of Jesus.

Another observation: she suffered abuse as a child, as an adult, and as an adult – and at the time she didn’t know it was abuse. It wasn’t until she studied it that she accepted what she had grown accustomed to.

What is abuse at its root? “leveraged oppression”. Attackers use as little force as possible to achieve their ends. They are good at it, and the abused learn to read what is unpleasant in the body of those who abuse them.

They control others instead of learning to control themselves. They keep the abused victim in an orbit of control. And most never stop abusing.

To change, abusers need the strength of the Spirit to convince them to truly repent, support to deal with the shame that may accompany confession, and help from expert counselors to give up their perceived right to control.

DARVO also happens: when the victim sets boundaries, the abuser often turns the tables to see themselves as the victim. The roles are reversed.

Here’s what I know about Becky: “I’m mama bear mad at the abuse in the church.” And she works to nurture trauma-informed churches.

One of the big numbers that Becky talked to Kris and me about is that it’s very rare for anyone to make false claims. Less than 10%, and probably between 5 and 1%, she told us.

Consider this one: “Church leaders should never try to determine for themselves whether an allegation is credible and never try to cover it up.”

Questions to ask: “Does what I do and say contribute to the release of this victim from the oppression of abuse? Or am I adding to their oppression?

Thanks Becky. Good game. We need your voice.